so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize