I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
