Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize