I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
