I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
