omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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