And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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