Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
