i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
