marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
youre lurking in front of me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
