everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
