if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
