first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
