so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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