i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
