soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
