i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
