I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
