The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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