I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
