4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
