Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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