do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
