Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize