Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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