you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
