I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize