Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
