Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
