He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
God, you're like boner-b-gone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
