giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
