I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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