I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
