im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
