Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
