last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
