His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
