if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
