I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
