Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize