I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
