so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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