I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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