He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
