hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize