my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
