i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
