I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
