my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize