I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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