You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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