Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
