and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
