is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize