I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
