I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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