I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
