We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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