We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
