did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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