i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
