her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
