There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
