Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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