1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize