We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
