You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
