i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
