Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
