when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize