david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
