I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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