I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
