cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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