you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
