Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
