You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
