you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
