I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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