My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize