Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
