Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
