the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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