I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
