He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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